i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
