I think I died a long time ago.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
