I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
that is very illegal...i love you.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
