I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
