If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
