Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
