i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
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