why didn't you poke me back
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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