the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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