does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
