i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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