Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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