Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I checked into jail on foursquare
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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