Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
