i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
