we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
