I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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