Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
