I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
