i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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