I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
