WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry my hands just texted you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
