Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
