well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
