I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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