This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
