Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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