porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
