i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
