You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
