I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
