You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
