It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
