I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I said "one day" and that day is not today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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