dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He felt like a one man threesome
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
