you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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