There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
