I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
