My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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