Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
