Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
