I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
