So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
