if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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