butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
