well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
