Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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