I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
