If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
