Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
