That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
