can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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